Shattered
by KRDABC123
Summary: Things have changed, and now Stiles and Lydia aren't the same. So what will happen when Stiles shatters Lydia? Rated T because it's Teen Wolf. Disclaimer : I don't own any of the characters. Post Season 5B
1. Shattered

**Author's Note: Hey! This is my first fanfiction, so please don't leave any hate. Although I would really appreciate reviews, I promise I'll take a look at all of them. This is supposed to take place between the end of season 4 and right before season 5A. I will edit it throughout, and I'll always be on the lookout for typos. And I'll try and update this at least once a week, so hopefully y'all can be patient. Again, reviews are greatly appreciated, and I hope you enjoy the story ;)**

"Stiles, shut _up!_ " I snapped. I was irritated, and I was about to be tipped over the edge by by that boy. From his hostile choices of words he chose to direct at me, to the erratic clicking of his pen. _Pen up. Pen down. Pen up. Pen down._ The sound echoed inside of my ears, a constant _click._ "Just please, _stop_ with the _pen_ Stiles." I asked.

"Sorry," he muttered preoccupied. You could obviously tell he didn't care, you only had about 15% of his attention, and that he really, wasn't interested in _anything_ that had to with you. Unfortunately, you would have been playing my current role.

Needing something to occupy himself, he subconsciously started to drum his fingers on the bar of the diner. _Thank God,_ I thought to myself, _at least it's silently._ I wouldn't have been able to contain myself from bursting at him with hostility if he replaced the clicking with a different noise. His whiskey colored eyes darted around the diner, trying to get a glance at nearly anything but the things that had to do with me. Just desperate to get a glance of a distraction.

I took a deep breathe as quietly as possible. I did call him here, so I had to at least be as nice as possible to him. _Come on Lydia, just be polite. It's Stiles._ I thought to myself. "Stiles, can you please try and focus on what I'm attempting to tell you?" I asked semi-sweetly.

"I am focusing," he murmured. I took the chance to take in the diner as well. It was fairly Southern California based, featuring ancient Disneyland pictures, old Hollywood stars, taking pictures with their star. A few pictures and information about the Six Flags park here.

I thought absently for a second, allowing myself to regain my cool. The Six Flags park was one of the few things I had never been to in California. I have always been fairly afraid of roller coasters, although never admitting to it. One day, Stiles had been talking about it as if it was the best place in the world. I remember just playing it off, saying I was never interested in theme parks such as Six Flags.

And then he looked at me. His eyes had looked amber, not as much whiskey as they do now. And then he saw right through me. " _You're afraid of them aren't you? The roller coasters."_ He had said gently. I had looked at him, really looked at him. The first boy to see right through the façade I had carefully completed in 7th grade. No one had seen through it, and he just had to look at me to see right through my mask. I was awestruck.

Then I realized how special this boy truly was. " _Stiles, how did you know that?"_ I asked carefully. He thought a moment, and then responded with: " _Lydia, you have always tried so hard to cover up your true self, and how amazing you really are. I guess I was always so starstruck with you, I was just always watching you, and I kinda figured out the real you on the way. I mean, you were never as awesome as you are now, helping us solve these cases, I mean Lydia you are saving lives! But back then, I still thought you were still amazing and basically perfect, I just see it crystal clearly right now," he paused, "And I think you should never suppress how you really think and feel about things, because I believe there are millions of people who would love to listen to you and hear your thoughts. Because the real Lydia Martin is amazing, beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, and I can't think of a single person who wouldn't want to meet her. The real Lydia Martin."_ At that, I had hugged him, and that was when I realized-

"You know what Lydia? Why did you even call me over here if you weren't gonna say anything?" Stiles asked aggravated.

Stepping out of my memories into reality, I sighed. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to give you a minute. You looked like you were really concentrated on something, and I kind of knew better than to interrupt that." I apologized. I tried my absolute hardest _not_ to get and attitude with him. But I heard the slightest hint of sarcasm and annoyance in my voice.

 _Great,_ I thought, _Here we go._

Stiles was not very happy with that.

"You know what Lydia-"

"Stiles please don't. I don't want to get in a-"

" _Lydia._ Now it's my turn to return the favor. _Shut up._ And now listen, yeah _listen_ and _focus_ all on me. While I could have been using this time to be with Malia, you called me out and told me you had something important to tell me. But is this actually important, or is it just another paranoid false alarm? Is this letter addressed to this person named Ariel really important in our supernatural world, or is a person named Ariel out there wondering where her letter is? I mean honestly Lydia, there are other people who get mail, and there are people _actually_ named Ariel. Believe it or not, we don't live to serve you to solve all of your problems, and _you_ are not everybody's main focus. You're not the only person in the world." he snapped with much more sarcasm and venom than usual.

That was nearly it for me. He wanted to start the fire? I'd give him a blazing inferno. But I'd give him a last chance. Because that's what I had to do. I had to _try_ and not fight with him.

"Stiles, I really _don't_ want to fight with you okay? We haven't seen each other in a long time, so let's just try and get along okay? Trust me I have plenty of things I would _like_ to say, but I'm not going to, because I'm trying really trying to get along with you. So Stiles, please just stop, and at least _act_ like you consider me as a friend. Please." I practically begged.

He looked long and hard at me, as I rubbed my temples. A few voices had decided to give me a hard time, creating a chaos inside of my head. My head now throbbing, I was ready to crack if he threw the force at me. I was just waiting for him to make his decision.

And he did.

"No Lydia. Please tell me. What would _you_ like to tell me. What is so deeply upsetting to _you_ that you have to interrupt everyone else's lives so they can come and comfort you." he spat at me.

 _No,_ I thought. _I cannot crack in front of him._

I stood up and smoothed out my skirt, my temper getting filled with the fire, which burns on devastation and anger. I took one last glance at the Six Flags poster. My eyes filled up with tears. I couldn't crack just yet. I turned on my heel and went on my way to my car.

Stiles quickly stood up, ruffling himself much more than he intended. It seemed as if he was determined to not give in to this, and that he didn't care who he hurts on the way. He ran after me, meeting me about 3 yards away from me, while I was about 6 yards away from my car. It had started to rain, so his hair was starting to get plastered to his forehead. "No Lydia! No! You are not gonna leave. You know why? Because you only care about yourself, and you're selfish. You only care about you and your problems, and when someone else doesn't give you 100% of their attention, you just leave! You seriously need to grow up because this isn't the playground Lydia, there are supernatural things, which you don't understand, and many other things that you just don't understand!"

And that was when I not only cracked, I shattered. I shattered into trillions of tiny pieces.

I glared at him, regaining the fire I had with everyone else. The glare had hints of uncontrolled anger and sadness. Although it's not as if he cared enough to be able to tell anymore. It was pouring down in torrents now, so my outfit was already soaked. I was beginning to get cold, but I didn't care. I finally let out an exasperated sigh. "You know what Stiles? You're right! I don't understand half of this stupid supernatural stuff, that I grew up for 16 years believing was all fake. So fine! I'll give you a free sample of how my life is, since it's so pitiful and needs to suck up everyone else's happiness. But first, what ever happened to the boy that always told _me_ to call _him first?_ If your answer is gonna be 'He grew up' your pathetic because we all know that with age, you gain maturity, and as far as I can tell, you have _none._ " I yelled at him.

My head was telling me to slow down, be kind, not so harsh. But he was breaking me on purpose, being malevolent. We were standing in the pouring rain, which felt like was mocking the storm that had began between us. The Stiles that used to embrace my imperfections was now telling me how unimportant what I was trying to tell him was, how unimportant I was, and how I was just wasting everyone's time. And when he was throwing venom at me, over and over, I just couldn't take it anymore. The voices were screaming in my head, making it impossible for me to really gain remorse from my actions. My anger and devastation taking over my rational thoughts.

"I'm so _done._ Just with all of it. So just get out since I'm just a waste of your precious time. Just get out so you can go and call Malia so you two can get back to whatever on this earth you were doing that was so important. I'll just take care of it and my other million problems myself, from my car breaking down in the middle of the highway, to these supernatural creatures and assassins trying to rather torture me, mentally scar me for life, or give me a slow and painful death. Oh yeah and I have no way to protect myself from werewolves or superheat throat-cutting necklaces. Yeah Stiles, I'm real sorry for all that too. I'll just take care of all the many traumatic problems I have all by myself, since I'm just a waste of everyone else's time." I stated.

He just stood in the rain, which was punching the asphalt. He was now drenched, like me. He then looked up at me, and for the first time that night, he really looked me in the eye. And when he saw the damage he did that night, he had finally realized what I was trying to do. And he finally realized how badly he had messed this up for himself.

Stiles tried stop it early, stop my rant right there so I wouldn't go off into more pain. But I was already way down the track. And the boy with now more amber eyes, now swelled with guilt and sorrow, tried what he usually used to do whenever I broke down. He reached towards me, trying to grab a hold of me, and hug me through my sobs. Although it didn't work. I instead shrunk back and away from him. And then the first tear slowly streamed down my left cheek.

Realization dawned upon Stiles' beautiful features. His eyes, amber, had water soaked all around them, the rain dripping off of his eyelashes. His eyes also betrayed of how he now knew why it wouldn't work this time. I had known, and it had just broken me even more. Stiles had always comforted me, but he had never cracked or broken me. When he finally saw the damage of what he had done, he looked at me with the saddest expression I've ever seen him wear. There he was, beautiful, now drenched from the rain.

But I wasn't done. You can crack half of a mirror.

But when you shatter a mirror, the whole thing shatters. And Stiles had shattered me.

I took a slow step backwards, just gaining some space for myself. I could feel the brokenness and resentment in my eyes, which were staring right back at Stiles. I couldn't tell if the boy who cared for me was still there, or if this selfish 17-year-old standing in his place, was a permanent replacement.

"I told you Stiles. I'm done. Jackson's gone. Isaac's gone. Cora's gone. Ethan's gone. Aiden's gone. My dad's gone." I choked up a sob, "Allison is gone. Whether they wanted to or not, they left me. And the thing is, I just can't believe I was stupid enough to think that you would still be here for me, that you hadn't left me. That I'd still have you. Just one last person that could be my friend, that could care about me. That could help me through all of these new banshee powers and help me through all of these supernatural _things_ that are 90% of the time trying to mentally traumatize me, or kill me. Just one last person who I could try and act normal with. Just you Stiles, who I could solve mysteries with, you who I had _saved freaking lives with!_ But, I don't have you anymore, because you really did leave me. So whether it's that you're too wrapped up doing who-knows-what with Malia, who, might I add, is a girl who was a coyote for the past 8 years of her life, until 2 months ago, when she turned back into a human, or you just want to be an awful person, and make me more miserable and broken than I already was. For that you have already succeeded."

"So yes Stiles Stilinski, yes I am selfish for wanting a single friend, and just a little bit of help to get through this. You have made it clear enough that that is much more than what I deserve. So I'm sorry I bothered you at all. Next time I'll just go straight to the suicide attempts instead of trying to reach out for things I don't deserve, which you're completely right about. I know I don't deserve those things, I just wanted a chance, a second try Stiles." I said.

Stiles' eyes widened as I ran back to my car and quickly locked the door. I watched him just stand out in the rain, totally drenched, calling out for me to come back, to wait so we can work this out, so he can help me. But I didn't. Why should I wait if the boy I loved with all of my heart no longer cared about me?


	2. All This Time

**Chapter 2: All This Time**

 **Stiles POV**

 **Author's Note: Hi again! I'm really psyched, because so far I have a follow and a fav! That means a lot, and I'm really hoping I'll get more. I really like this chapter, because it kinda describes of what I think was really going on when Stiles and Malia just jumped into a relationship. So this chapter is basically like a flashback, and why Stiles was like that to Lydia. And I kinda sorta added in season 5 stuff cause honestly who doesn't love season 5? Again, reviews are widely welcomed and appreciated. This chapter is all in Stiles' POV by the way, so I think I might alternate between them. Enjoy the chapter ;)**

 _9:42PM_

That's what popped up on my phone screen as I clicked the home button. That was the third time I checked it in less than 2 minutes. I just sat inside the driver's seat of my Jeep, just waiting for anything; calls, texts, voicemails. My battered, old, nearly-unfixable-by-duct-tape Jeep. I was in complete and utter shock, once again caused by the only girl in my life that can make my world crash down to it's knees.

That same girl was the one I had just shattered.

I felt as if my life had just been flipped over, and had just collapsed on top of itself. I was having trouble thinking, I couldn't gather my thoughts. I felt like I was having a panic attack.

Because I had shattered her on _purpose._

I had pushed her off the edge on _purpose._

But why? Why had I done that to her?

 _You know why,_ my thoughts informed me.

And I did.

I took another look at my phone, checking the time. How much of it has passed.

 _9:43PM_

 _How much time really_ has _passed Stiles since you started this? How did this even start Stiles? How long has it really been since things were okay? What happened Stiles?_

It felt as if time froze for a moment, as I tried to regain my thoughts, as I flashbacked to the starting point of this mess.

When I was in Eichen House.

When Deaton had injected me with that toxin, I immediately had to make sure when the Nogitsune took over me again, I was where he would be locked up, so at least a few other people wouldn't die.

I remember everything clearly, as if I was watching it on a television. The Nogitsune was trying to grasp my mind once again, to make me his puppet again, so I would be forced to kill more people, hurt more people. Every second, he would try and come in, and I was knew it wasn't too long until he gained control. Terrified, lonely, confused, brave, apprehensive, selfless, and ready, Ready to do everything and everything to prevent the Nogitsune from taking me over once more.

Anything and everything to make sure I didn't hurt anyone else.

And with that, I needed to be a protector. I had to protect everyone from the Nogitsune no matter the costs it had on myself. I needed to make sure Scott, Allison, Isaac, Derek, Argent, Kira, Lydia, and all the innocent people all around us wouldn't get hurt because of me. But the more I worried, the more he was getting in. So I needed a distraction.

Malia.

She was right there, and had went through a similar hell as well. So I started it. We teamed up, cuddled, kissed, made out, and tried to relax. I told her what was happening to me, and what I had already did. She told me how she had lost control on a full moon, and ended up killing her mother and sister. I guess had some sort of connection, because of the supernatural reality we were going through.

And I had a game plan.

The marks would fade, I would go to Ms. Morrell, she would kill me, and everyone would be okay, and no one else would get hurt because of me. And so Malia would be the last person I'd see and be with who wouldn't kill me.

 _So,_ I had asked myself, _why not?_ Why not have my last moments as nice as they could be, considering I was in a freaking hell house. Because I needed to be given a reminder. A reminder that I wasn't going to die in vain, but that I was going to die for my friends and family, the ones I loved, and all of the innocent people in between.

But the Nogitsune had a plan too. And he was about to kill more people that I cared about. He was going to kill everyone, starting with Malia. But I could slow him down by letting him in. So I gave in, hoping that Scott and the others would kill me.

But my game plan didn't follow up.

Scott and the others captured me, and Scott went _into my mind,_ and fished me back out.

Although the Nogitsune was so powerful, he had taken over most of my life force, leaving me nearly dead. I probably wouldn't have lived over a week in that state. But I didn't care, I would die if it meant I wouldn't hurt anybody, and if they could destroy the Nogitsune whole, not the Nogitsune making me do his evil deeds. I was okay, and so was everyone else.

Until I found out he took Lydia.

My world started to burn, my mind was a hell of chaos. He had taken Lydia, and he was going to kill her. Or worse. I couldn't think, couldn't concentrate, knowing this was my fault. She was also the one who went in with Scott to fish me out from the twisted game the Nogitsune had forced me to play. She had risked her life for me. And now, she was in the hands of the Nogitsune.

And I was going to use every last moment I had left to save her. I made a plan, to save her, to get her out. But when I did, instead of hugging her, taking her out so she was safe, so she was okay, and getting everyone out before someone else got hurt because of me, I collapsed. I collapsed into unconsciousness, nearly dying, while she needed to be rescued. And Allison had died right then, while Lydia was with me, helpless to save her.

My game plan was a disaster.

I should have died, not Allison.

After that, everyone was in pieces.

Argent was a wreck, from having lost his whole family. There were a few hunters lost, between Kate's sociopathic plans, the Alpha wolves, the Darach, and now the Nogitsune. Oh, and we can't forget our Kanima friend. Gerard, his father, was a psychopath, willing to kill his granddaughter so he would survive cancer, isn't exactly counted. He lost his wife, Victoria Argent, due to the Bite, when she tried to kill Scott. And now Allison, the bravest in his family, the kindest, and the only one who didn't try to slit all of our throats. She was our best friend, the last person he had, and now she's gone. But Argent came back for us when we needed him, he's still part of the team.

There was Isaac, who went with Argent to France. He was crushed by Allison's death, and needed to find some peace with himself too. He had had it rough as well. His dad abused him, and with Boyd and Erica, I wasn't exactly surprised he left. A lot of bad things happened for him in this place, so going somewhere else must have helped him. But this place still needs as much help as it can get, and he shouldn't of just ran away. He was a good addition to the team, and we kinda miss him.

Then with Ethan, I don't even know. I hated his fricking guts at first, with his homicidal Alpha pack, and Aiden and Lydia. But in the end, he wasn't that bad of a guy. He definitely earned his place in the McCall pack, but I don't know if he wanted it in the end. We could have used his help, we still can. But he didn't have to stay after losing Aiden, so he didn't. And he never told us where he was, or if was ever coming back.

Derek left not too long ago, why, I have no idea. Surprisingly, we had had become good friends, and it was too bad that he left. We miss him, he was a part of our pack, and I never thought we would lose him. But we thought the same with Allison too. He'll show up though, at the exact time that we will need him the most, but think that he won't come. He's been with us since the beginning, so he will come back for the end.

And then there's me. I was pretty shattered myself. Trying to recover from a fricking trickster spirit is harder than you'd think. I couldn't look at anyone for a week. They were there for me, but I was still afraid I'd hurt them. Because I remember _everything_ that happened, and I remember doing it too. But I didn't leave.

I didn't see Lydia for 3 weeks after the Nogitsune. I couldn't look at her, couldn't be with her, couldn't talk to her. I just couldn't face her after everything that had happened. She could have been killed by the Nogitsune, and that would have been my fault too. Every call went to voicemail, every time she walked in the hall, I walked out. Scott and Kira would deliver her messages to me, most of them begging me to stop avoiding her and to talk to her.

Most of my time was made up of myself on my own. I didn't want to go near Scott, or Kira, or my dad. No one really. But something that shocked me was that one of the only people that could get to me, was none other than Derek Hale. We had become closer, so we had become good friends. I found he was one of the only people who had a similar experience, with Peter and Paige. I went to Peter sometimes, but he wasn't exactly helpful.

But, just for my luck, Malia had started to attend Beacon Hills High School. So I had to explain everything to her, as well as act on that whole Eichen House fling. Oh, just great.

And what was I supposed to say? I decided to have feelings for you so I could die happy, while in reality, I've been in love with a different girl, who I am currently not speaking with. So since she wasn't there for my I-thought-they-were last hours, I sorta-kinda-not-really dated you for a few hours. So, now lets just be friends, oh and welcome to the pack.

No, okay? No, I didn't want a death wish right after all that crap I had been through.

And honestly, why not? It's not like Lydia loved me. It's not like anything else I had planned out _actually_ went according to plan. Malia was nice, and she must have feelings for me too, right? Heck, why else would she date me? And I had to move on _someday_ , I couldn't just waste my life fawning over a girl I didn't have a chance with.

And now that I'm looking back on everything, I really did love Malia. But not the way a boyfriend that she deserved should. I was still deeply in love with Lydia, it was just buried deeper, and I couldn't really see it clearly. And Malia helped me get out of that kind of state I was in after the Nogitsune. She was different, and she wasn't so uptight. So I could just forget for a while when I was with her, and that helped me really learn that everything was in the past, and that we have to live our life in the present.

Malia distracted me from all of the past horrors, and helped me to start living in the present. She helped me get involved with the pack again. She helped me laugh again. She helped me stop despairing over the past faster.

I love hanging out Malia. She's still one of my closest friends. But I thought I was falling in love with her, so I kept dating her. But I hit the realization that I didn't love her like I should, and I wasn't going to either. But I still stayed being her boyfriend, because I'm still close to her.

Although, as much as I grew to love Malia, I was also using her as an excuse to myself. An excuse of why I wasn't going to Lydia, and why I was attempting to avoid her. A girlfriend seemed like a fairly good excuse, well at least to me it did. To Scott, Kira, my dad, Peter, Derek, and Melissa, it seemed like B.S. Well, I guess it was a B.S. excuse now that I look back on it. But oh good God, Lydia thought it was the "shittiest excuse I have ever heard in my entire life, and the shittiest excuse I will _ever_ hear in my life". She decided to tell me in person because she felt that so profoundly. I blamed Scott for telling her that.

" _Scott! Why on this whole freaking Earth would you tell Lydia that excuse? I_ do not _want another freaking death wish!"_ I had told him the next day.

" _Stiles! What am I supposed to tell her? That's the excuse you give us when you want to get rid of us, so what am I supposed to do? Maybe if you would be my best friend again, we could cook up another of your freaking awesome plans at everything and figure out what to do. But we have to do it_ together _Stiles. Because that's how we roll, we do this_ together." Scott had said to me.

That was on the sixth week, and that was the day Scott and I became brothers again. And that was when I had started to slowly realize that I didn't love Malia the way I thought I did. And I finally realized that while I thought I was just loving Malia as much as I could, I was just shutting Lydia and my friends out much, much more than I had ever intended. And that

I needed them back. So I let them back in, but Lydia and I never became the same again.

I had pushed her too far, and I didn't really try to steer her back. I didn't think she cared enough to want to come back. And we just kind of drifted after that. We were never as close as we had been. When I had a panic attack, she would never be there to help me. But I didn't blame her, I knew it was my fault.

And everything just sort of stayed like that for a long time. Through the benefactor, through Peter, through the chimeras, through the Dread Doctors, through La Bête du Gevaudan 2.0: Beacon Hills Edition, through everything. It was as if time was frozen somehow, and time just went by with a snap of my fingers. Except for a few key moments.

Such as when Lydia was in Eichen House. I went in freaking Combat Mode, and I did _everything_ to get her out of there. Because she couldn't die, she wasn't going to die unless I died before her. _Lydia_ _was not going to die as long as I was alive._

I heard the others whispers, afterwards. I heard Kira mention to Scott, about how she knew that I loved Lydia. But I didn't care what they said, or what they knew. As long as Lydia was okay, I didn't care. But I still hid it well afterwards. And I couldn't exactly do anything yet, because we had our killer beast going around town with its masters.

But besides that, everything was bland, and everything stayed frozen. Lydia and I were on opposite sides of a cavern, that was nearly impossible to cross. And my life took a major change because of that cavern.

Because that meant no more solving solving mysteries together, no more laughs with her. No more races of who can finish their math homework first, no more running around Beacon Hills trying to stop the next killer _thing_ from hurting more innocent people, while we both had only human abilities, and creepy banshee feelings. No more Lydia attempting to reteach the physics lesson of that day, because I was too busy worrying about our extracurricular activities, that included massacre most of the time. No more late nights, of me trying to help her with her banshee powers. No more research nights at my house about Darachs and Werewolves and Kitsunes and Nogitsunes. No more having to listen at her screaming at me whenever I did something recklessly stupid that had almost gotten me killed… again. No more softer lectures on how I should have been more careful, and how I scared her, how she was afraid she was going to lose me. No more gentle hugs, and me promising I would never leave her. No more Lydia.

And I guess with me pushing her away so much, she turned around and found Deputy Parrish, and she helped him. She found out that he was a hellhound, and that he was the one stealing the bodies. She only took one class at school, because she was so brilliantly smart, and used her time helping Parrish. I guess he helped bring some light into her life. Of course she was still a major part of the pack, and she still helped us a lot with the chimeras and the Beast, but she sort of branched off and became sort of independent. And of course, in the end everything tied off with Parrish in the end right?

Everything was still like that. Everything was just frozen like that except for that one night, in Eichen House.

Until yesterday. When she called me up, and asked if we could meet at the Southern California Diner, that was out on the freeway.

" _You know,"_ she had said, " _the one that is in the north by us, but acts like it's down in the south. Could you meet me there tomorrow night by any chance?"_

" _Only me, or the whole pack?"_ I had asked. I half hope the pack, and half hope only me. The first half hoped that she would say the whole pack, and my routine wouldn't be broken as easily as it would be if it was just us. The other half desperately hoped she wanted just us, so we could fix us, and become what we used to be.

Either way, and my whole self knew this, if it was just us, I wouldn't be able to help falling for her all over again.

" _Uh would it be okay if just you came? I have something I think is really important to share, but I don't know if it's important enough to tell the whole pack yet."_ She paused, " _I understand if you don't want to come."_

" _No, I'll be there. Is 8:30 okay?"_

After that, I knew I was a goner. But I wasn't going to crumble easily. Because all she wanted was to share her information. Right?

So, the idiot I am, I had had tried to steer her away from me. But she wanted not who I was trying to be to answer, but the old, and the real Stiles to come back to her. She was determined to fish my real self back out, but I was determined to keep myself suppressed. Because I knew that once my walls were down, I wouldn't ever be able to put them back up.

But she kept trying to break them down, so I brought out my last resort, my last defense, the only one I really didn't want to bring out.

I let loose all the force I had left of being away from her so long, and everything in between. I didn't think being away from her had bent me that bad, but it had. So all that force did much more damage than I had ever intended. I had never meant to crack her.

All of the force had been pent up, slowly building. It was from not solving mysteries with her anymore, my personality and sarcasm slowly fading, all of the darkness overwhelming myself, and I never got a chance to bring out the best in myself. That's how Theo got to me, because I was already unbalanced, without Lydia. All of that force was from being away from the girl I really loved.

But the force I had not only cracked her, it had shattered her.

 _9:44PM_

And whenever anything shatters, you have to go back and pick up all of the pieces, no matter what it takes. So that's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to pick up all of the pieces, and then I'm going to fix her. And then I'm going to fix us. Because my walls are down now, and nothing can stop me from fixing us.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Maniacal**

 **Switch POV**

 **Author's Note: Hey, I haven't posted in a LONG time, but it's just been editing, writing, schoolwork, etc. Luckily, testing is going on this week, next, and then the one after, and then I'm done. That means a whole lot less studying and homework, which means the story can get more development! Only thing is soccer is getting more intense with my tournament coming up, but that's okay. Reviews are** _ **greatly**_ **appreciated, but even if there aren't that many reviews, I'm still gonna write this until the end, I guess it only depends on how lengthy it will get, how many plot lines and plot twists it will have, et cetera, et cetera. For this chapter, it was originally 16 pages on Google Docs, so I decided that I'm just gonna split it up into a bunch of smaller chapter, so I can edit easier, and then they will be up sooner. So keep in mind it won't take up nearly as much time since they are all written up. Also, I just made it Post Season 5B, because since it's over, pretty much everyone has seen it. This story** _ **will switch POVS,**_ **so be on the lookout. I will try and make it as easy to spot this switches as I can, but I am a very confusing person. ADHD does have it's flaws I suppose. Anyways,** _ **reviews, switches, I hope you like the chapter :)**_

 **Lydia POV**

He didn't follow me. Not that I was surprised or anything, but he didn't follow me. I started to drive having no idea where I was going. I kept on taking deep breaths to calm myself, so I would not burst into total sobs. I tried to concentrate on the road while the rain was thundering onto my car. My face was wet with the tears that were streaming down as I cried silently.

Ever since Allison passed away, voices would haunt me more than ever. Harder to push down every day, and that's one of the main reasons I found out the deadpool list. I could hear the voices. But they keep on getting worse and worse, louder and louder every time my mind is in chaos. They always haunt me with truths I don't want to hear. They keep on driving me towards insanity.

But I usually resist them, and resort back to my Lydia Fricken Martin self. I can usually push the voices down to a whisper. This wasn't one of those times.

" _Lydia,"_ they wailed, " _Lydia try and save us."_

" _But you can't Lydia, you can't save us or anyone"_ cried another.

I covered my ears as I pulled over. I didn't even remotely know where I was, I just couldn't be on the road like this.

" _He's not coming for you Lydia,"_ cackled another voice, " _No one is coming for the brilliant Lydia Martin!"_

"' _The brilliant Lydia Martin'?"_ the second voice questioned, " _She can't save anyone! She's useless. You're useless Lydia Martin."_

I could taste my salty tears as I silently begged them to stop. I was going to lose my mind. There were too many.

" _You're just a burden Lydia, you don't help them at all."_ stated a newer voice.

" _Allison_ died _because of you. It's all your fault. It's_ your _fault Allison Argent died."_ called another.

I bit into my lip. I covered my ears. I tasted my tears. I begged them to stop. I curled up into my car crying for the voices to stop.

" _They are all better without you Lydia Martin."_

" _It's all your fault."_

" _No one really cares about you, you're just a burden."_

" _ **So why not get rid of yourself already!"**_

I screamed as I choked on my tears, glad it wasn't a banshee scream. This was an insanity scream. A chorus of banshee voices kept on repeating everything inside my head, reminding me of the truth: I wasn't needed, I'm just a bother, and I'm no use to anybody. And the worst reminder was the fact that Allison's death was all my fault. All of the voices were right.

Suddenly, I found myself at the place where my life had changed for good. I glanced around my car as I gently popped open the middle console. There sat my only actual weapon. Chris Argent had given me Allison's silver dagger, which had the Argent crest engraved. A chill spiked up my arm as my fingertips grazed the end. I grabbed the dagger, just in case there was any danger, supernatural or not.

I walked out into the rain, which was coming down in torrents. My tears were once again mixed with the rain water as I cried again, in my distressed state. Although being _the_ Lydia Martin, you learn how to keep yourself sane most of the time, even when you feel like crumbling into ashes. I was sobbing, barely controlled, and just walking into the rain, alone.

In all honesty, I changed to become a _better_ Lydia Martin when I let Allison influence me. When I found out about all of this werewolf stuff, I just let her lead me through, until I was ready to help. When I was ready to help, I researched, investigated, and did everything to follow her code. _We protect those who cannot protect themselves._ I have been so lost without her, but I just try to help the most I can.

Although when you are a harbinger of death, helping people isn't always exactly _easy._

Through watery eyes, I read the gate which loomed over me. Memories came rushing back, as did the voices, but I pushed them back. I needed to stay in control of myself. I glanced back up at the gate and quickly ran into the land that lies behind it. I thought about what the words really meant as I walked alone on this stormy night. I ducked my head into my sweater and pushed the thoughts out of my head.

No. Too many dark things had happened at Oak Creek Internment Camp.

 **Stiles POV**

I was driving _way_ above the speed limit. But my thoughts were racing much faster than my Jeep, so I was a tad bit preoccupied. My thoughts were filled to the brim with a certain strawberry-blonde headed 18-year-old. The reason at the moment being that I had caused her to run off alone. Not to mention that I had no idea where she was going. Or where she was. Or where she would be in the next ten minutes.

I cursed loudly as I tried to calm myself down. If I wanted to find her, then I'd have to be in better control of my thoughts. My mind was racing with all of the different and horrible possibilities as I tried to rid them of my mind.

But in the end it is _all_ my fault. I should have known not to hurt her. I should have known I was hurting her. I should know where she is going, where she is, where she might be.

The rain was thundering onto my car, and I started to drive even faster than before. Most drivers must have thought I was a robber on the run from cops, but I didn't care at the moment. I was on my way to see the person I trust the most, Scott McCall.

I pulled up into his driveway, skidding water all over the yard. I ran out of my Jeep and sprinted up to the house. I burst through the door not even bothering to knock.

"Scott!" I yelled, "Scott!"

I heard him run down the stairs as fast as he could. When he saw me, he looked both relieved and scared. "Stiles, what's wrong?" he asked breathlessly.

Scott looked run down and tired, very, _very_ tired. With everything happening so fast, I couldn't blame him. And he's had it tough with Kira and everything, not to mention still having

responsibility of looking after the younger members of the pack. I saw Liam not too far behind him, looking scared but fierce. His expression died down a bit when he saw me.

I closed my eyes trying to find the right words, and also trying not to yell. "Scott," I said. I hear my voice crack in that one word.

"Stiles?"

At that sound, I looked around for the source of the voice, because it was not Scott or Liam, but another werewolf that I know. I turned around to see him. Isaac Lahey.

"Scott I told you! I told you there was another one in here, and that it was _not_ Hayden! Scott who is that? Scott!" Liam yelled. His claws were already out, and he looked ready to fight with his new competition.

Isaac stood there with his hands up in a surrender position. "Scott, Stiles, I swear I just want to help." he said.

Scott looks conflicted and confused. "Isaac? Okay, before anyone gets killed let's go to the living room and let us explain okay Liam? Stiles," he motioned for me to come over to him.

"Okay Scott fill me in _now._ And Scott this is _important_ okay? I mean I usually only burst open the door and call your name once, but Scott I need your help, Scott,-" I took a deep breath.

Scott put his hand on my shoulder. "The faster we get through all of this, the faster I can help you. Stiles, if you come and help me explain to Liam and Isaac, just the crucial details, then we can help you, okay?"

"Okay Scott. But we need to go as fast as we can. This is important." I replied. I was biting on my lip as we entered the living room. Isaac was lounged on one of the couches like a cat, while Liam stood rigid beside the fireplace mantel.

"Okay, this is going to be a _long_ story…" I started.


End file.
